Tag Archives: driving

How To Make People Drive Faster

Here is a sure fire tip to get people to go at a speed at least 3-5 miles faster per hour than they are currently going. First, get into a lane on either side of them. As you are driving, position yourself so that they are close to one car length behind you, but still in a parallel lane to yours. Then, switch your turn signal on to indicate that you would like to be in the same lane they are, but in front of them. You will be amazed at how quickly the other car speeds up to make sure you have no room to merge, forcing you to slow down and get behind them if you want into their lane! Magic, I tell you… pure magic.

Shocking Revelation – Cell Phones Impair Driving Ability!

More research has come along that shows cell phone usage while driving slows things down in traffic, leading to more traffic jams and problems on the road.

Jerky Ahead

There is, from time to time, a stand set up on the side of the road that sells different kinds of meat jerky. As you drive towards it, they have signs set up that say “JERKY AHEAD!” Every time I see that sign, I drive past it a few seconds, then start shaking violently around in my seat for a few seconds, and then laugh hysterically. It is a joke that never gets old for me, and never gets funny for my passengers.

Moist

Today was wet in the Phoenix area. Crazy wet, the kind that makes brains ooze out of the heads of a hideously large part of the driving population once they get behind the wheel of their Cadillac Escalades and enter any of our fine metropolitan freeways. A trip that should have taken me 30-35 minutes took 80 (luckily I knew rain turned Phoenix drivers into quivering morons and alloted 90 minutes to get where I needed to be).

I shudder to think what would happen if a major snow storm hit the valley of the sun. People would eat other people if they cut them off, or something insane – I guess what I am saying is it would create an army of zombies. Especially in the Scottsdale area.